Yes, I admit I lost control.
I beat up the only guy I ever loved with my whole heart. I beat him up so badly it gave him bruises, and bite marks all over. I was mad, engulfed with anger. I didn’t know what I was doing so I gave in to my rage.
As a result, my medicinal dosage got increased x5 which in my case, is practically just a shock to me because I didn’t know I got so bad without even my own realization.
As much as he told me to wait till February till he comes back to my side… I don’t think I can do it. So much pain he’s put me through since we broke up in the earlier half of 2010. It’s freaking 2012 in 24 days. But dear God you know as much as I always try to move on it’s always a lost cause because I can never let go of my first love and I don’t know how to move on because he doesn’t let me go..
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On the other hand, E is coming home for Christmas! I am hyped to see him because I haven’t seen him since we split up for the past 4-5 months. I am also actually pretty afraid to face him because we’re didn’t exactly “break up” we just left each other without saying goodbye before he flew off to the other side of the world. Happy/Nervous jumbled into one. yikes.
For now, I have to finish this half finished cigarettes that I lit and decided to start blogging first. Then, I have 4 days worth of packing to do for my trip/getaway with my mom. All I’m looking forward to is sitting by the beach with a cigarette in my right hand, a book in my left and a hugeeeeeeeeeee glass of alcohol beside me. I really need to get out of here. Too.much.to.handle.
